Rachel Scott was suicidal

Before her death, Rachel Scott wrote some journal entries that her parents interpreted as her predicting her death, but in reality, she was suicidal. Below is a note she wrote to a friend about the matter.

Monday the 16th

Dear Mark, thank you so much. You didn’t need to write me back. That painting said it all. All I needed was for someone to share my pain, someone to feel my heart hurt. You did something most wouldn’t do, you helped me carry the burdens of others.

I stayed home from school today. I was going to kill myself. I was going to bring my car into the garage, close the door and let the motor run. I got as far as the driveway and then I turned off the car. I was going to live for just one more day so I could say goodbye to you.

I got there, [at her church group] and when we started praise and worship, I lifted my hands and closed my eyes because I wanted you to think I was okay so that when i died, you wouldn’t blame yourself. Then Mike... pulled that story and I lost it. Finally I was on the altar crying harder than I ever have before and Lori Johnson was holding me. I repented and made the decision to live. I feel so fulfilled. There is a God and I’m going to serve him for the rest of my life.

Mike was right, something happened. God saved me from suicide. He did it through Mike, through Lori and through you. Your love gave me reason to live just for one more day, and his love [meaning God’s] gave me a reason to live for one whole life.

But that’s not the end. I’m working at Subway again and I had been smoking pot and ciggarettes [sic]. I went in on my way home and I broke every cig I had. I told the guy, Brandon, that was working, that I gave my life back to God and that I am clean…then I told him he should do the same. He said maybe. This is a day of redemption, revelation. I will never be the same again. Thank you Mark. Thank you so much. I love you. Rachel Joy